


too drunk (to fuck)

by potterheading



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Alcohol, Anal Fingering, Bad Dirty Talk, Banter, Bickering, Blow Jobs, Bottoming from the Top, Clubbing, Come Swallowing, Dancing, Draco Malfoy is shameless, Draco Malfoy is wasted, Drunk Sex, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Shenanigans, Established Relationship, Face-Fucking, Fluff and Smut, Harry Potter is significantly less wasted, Kissing, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Missionary Position, Not Beta Read, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Public Display of Affection, Riding, Rimming, Smut, Vacation, but let’s be fr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28487958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potterheading/pseuds/potterheading
Summary: as harry half-drags him from the table, draco cranes his neck backward, shouting to their friends, “i’m not going to bed. i’m going to have unnecessary sex with my boyfriend. ta ta!”-in which draco and harry have a few drinks (and sex).
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Kudos: 101





	too drunk (to fuck)

**Author's Note:**

> hullo! happy new year :D 
> 
> let's start the year off spicy, why don't we? 
> 
> here's some PWP that i wrote during breaks from one of my longer WIP's 
> 
> as per usual, all the love is heavily appreciated!
> 
> title from too drunk to fuck by the dead kennedys

“it’s quite loud in here,” neville called over the music. he looked extremely out of place among the short dresses and spilling drinks, and it was obvious that given the opportunity, he would leave as soon as possible. 

pansy nodded absently, reaching over and squeezing his thigh comfortingly, but downed her drink in one go. “yes, of course, dear. watch my purse for me, will you?” with that, she was pulled off to the dance floor by a giggling ginny and luna. they quickly carved out a space for themselves and began to dance against each other in a strange tangle. 

“women,” blaise sighed, looking over at neville. neville stared blankly back at him, his eyes lingering on the hulking man that was currently murmuring into his ear and indiscreetly rubbing at his thigh. 

“at least they’re not as bad as harry and malfoy,” ron groaned, his eyes flickering over to the dance floor.

for the better part of an hour, harry and draco had held court in the middle of the dance floor, grinding sinfully against each other to the rhythm of the music. they had only returned to the table to order drinks and then to throw them back quickly before returning to their spot (although draco had came back quite a few more times than harry had). 

as the song came to an end, the lights came up in the club, revealing the sweaty mess of bodies that had been writhing against each other. in a thick jamaican accent, the dj announced that he would be taking a short break, prompting a disappointed groan from all corners of the room. 

suddenly, the table was filled with chatter and bodies. pansy, ginny, and luna crammed into the booth beside neville, each grabbing for glasses of water that covered the surface of the table. hermione slid into the booth neatly beside ron, running a hand through her hair and murmuring about the line in the bathroom and humidity. theo appeared, his arm wrapped around the waist of a tall woman with dark skin and long straight hair. 

last to stumble over to the table were harry and draco, who didn’t even bother trying to sit. now that the music had ceased, draco’s slow, sultry maneuvers looked a lot more like drunken stumbling. 

“should i order another round?” hermione asked, finishing off her glass of red wine. true to her character, she had been nursing the same glass for nearly the entire time, while everyone else had lapped her at least three times. 

“yes!” draco shouts, unnecessarily loud. he drapes his arm around leans forward, a sloppy grin on his face. “yes.” he repeats, lower this time. 

“no.” harry says, pulling draco upright. “at least, not for him.” 

“urgh, harry,” draco moans. he pushes himself closer to harry, his usually graceful movements uncoordinated and clumsy. he’d had around four drinks before harry lost count - but his low tolerance didn’t need much more than that before draco lost all of his inhibitions. 

“don’t be a buzzkill, potter!” pansy says, grinning devilishly. “draco rarely drinks, anyways.”

from his spot in the middle of the booth, neville glances over at pansy worriedly. although she seems to be significantly better at holding her alcohol than draco, she still has had more drinks than anyone else. 

“i wonder why,” ginny snorts, her head on luna’s shoulder. 

“i’m with harry on this one,” ron says, looking a bit queasy. “the levels of PDA tonight have been a bit... unnecessary.”

draco gasps loudly, his hand pressed to his heart. “unnecessary!” he repeats, his eyes wide. he turns to harry, mirth sparkling in his eyes. “baby, did you hear that? ron here thinks we’re being unnecessary. sounds like someone needs to put a galleon in the bigot jar.” 

“i mean…” harry starts, but is quickly interrupted by draco, who licks a long stripe up harry’s neck, ending at his jaw. there, he places a gentle kiss, his teeth grazing against the skin of harry’s cheek. “oh,” he ends softly, feeling his resolve deflate.

“want you to fuck me,” draco whispers loudly, his warm breath ghosting over harry’s ear. 

in his seat, ron’s eyes bulge comically and a red flush rises on his neck. the rest of the table bursts into laughter and hoots, only goading draco more. as draco’s nimble fingers find the top button on harry’s shirt, harry finally pulls him away, bracing his hands on his shoulder. 

“and that’s our cue.” harry says loudly, steering a writhing draco towards the door. “i’m just going to get him to bed. goodnight, all!” 

as harry half-drags him from the table, draco cranes his neck backward, shouting to their friends, “i’m not going to bed. i’m going to have unnecessary sex with my boyfriend. ta ta!” 

at that moment, hermione returns to the table, her arms laden with different cocktails. as she sets them down in front of their owners, she looks around. 

“where did harry and draco run off to?” she asks as she takes a seat with her own glass of water. 

“to have sex,” pansy snorts.

“to sleep!” ron shouts simultaneously.

-

as they make the slow trek back to their room, harry becomes increasingly frustrated with draco. while they had danced, draco had clung to harry in a manner that had been sexy and exciting - now, it was glaringly obvious that he simply wasn’t able to stand up on his own. 

harry looped an arm around draco’s waist as he half-carried him down the hall - pausing every few seconds to readjust his grip. draco was entirely useless, only using his strength to press sloppy kisses to harry’s cheek and neck. 

“for fucks sake, draco, you can’t even walk,” harry groaned as he pushed draco into the wall and paused to catch his breath. 

“i had a few of those, erm, bahama papas,” draco whispered conspiratorily, a lazy grin on his face. his hair was mussed intentionally, and the pink flush on his neck and face made him look younger than ever. the top buttons of his silky blouse was undone, revealing a few inches of smooth alabaster skin. harry looked away, scowling - even three sheets to the wind, draco was flawless. 

“mamas,” harry corrected. 

“yes, those too,” draco murmured, flapping his hand indifferently. “c’mon now, we’ve got business to attend to in our bedroom.” 

they resumed their journey, with harry pulling draco along less than gently. as they passed a balcony, draco darted away - rushing outside and leaning over the edge. harry rushed after him, swearing under his breath. 

“can we go down to the beach?” he asked, his eyes big and bright. “i want to feel the sand in my toes! and other places…” he giggled to himself, waggling his eyebrows at harry. 

groaning, harry grabbed at draco’s wrist and pulled him from the balcony, marching determinedly towards their room. for the first time, he was grateful that they had chosen a room on the first floor - getting draco into an elevator or up the stairs would be torture. 

“you know, you can’t just say the first thing that comes to your mind, draco.” harry said. he smiled tightly at another couple as they passed, their eyes lingering on an obviously drunk draco. “that’s not how this works.” 

“harry, baby, you’re saying so many things right now. and i’m sure they’re wonderful things. but, all i can think about right now is your big d -” harry clapped a hand over draco’s mouth, cringing as the couple hurried down the hallway, and away from them.

for the rest of the walk, harry kept his hand clasped securely over draco’s mouth, groaning as the man licked at his palm and attempted to talk nonetheless. when they finally reached their bedroom, harry fished out his key with one hand, opening the door and shoving draco through it none too gently. 

“brute,” draco grunted as he stumbled into the room, wiping at his mouth. his mood brightened as his eyes caught sight of the bed. suddenly, he ran for the four-poster, wrapping a hand around one of the columns and using it to spin himself around before jumping and landing securely on the soft mattress. a satisfied cackle burst from him as he rolled around, burying his face in the duvet. 

dutifully, harry began to undress draco, pulling off his loafers first and then his socks. 

“someone’s eager,” draco giggled, sitting up and pulling harry close. draco wrapped his arms around harry’s neck, pulling him down and kissing him softly. temporarily forgetting what he had initially set out to do, harry fell into the kiss, stroking draco’s back gently as he got lost in draco’s mouth. 

they had figured out pretty early in their relationship that nothing could shut the other up quite like a kiss. most of their arguments ended with one pinning the other down to kiss them - and may conversations had been lost (and never recovered) after one of them had leaned in for a short peck. 

“it’s just a kiss,” harry said resolutely, pulling away. he began to undo the remaining buttons on draco’s top - getting almost to the bottom before draco distracted him with another kiss. 

“that’s what you always say,” draco murmured against harry’s lips, his fingers toying with the hair at the nape of harry’s neck. “you’re always wrong.” 

“well,” harry said, sitting beside draco on the bed. he began to fumble with the clip of his chain, slowed by his own alcohol consumption. “you’re wasted. i’m not having sex with you while you’re drunk.” 

draco pouts in response for a moment, before turning to harry with a devious grin. “not even if i ask politely?” he blinks at harry, wide eyed and innocent - although his hand trails over his thigh and towards his crotch. 

he’s already half hard - a result of draco’s lingering touches and vulgar words. however, he had no intentions of acting on his arousal. after all - 

“you can’t really give me consent when you’re drunk.” harry said matter-of-factly, reaching around to undo draco’s belt. “i’m not taking advantage of you.” 

“fine,” draco groaned, pushing harry’s hands away and standing from the bed. he wobbled on his feet, but recovered quickly. “then i’ll take a sobering potion.” he staggered over to the vanity, where there was already an impressive collection of serums and potions - despite them having only been at the resort for three days. draco reached blindly for a vial, knocking over several others. he squinted at it for a moment before discarding it and beginning to search for the potion again. after a few tries, he found the correct vial, and downed it in one go. he shuddered as the potion coursed through his body, immediately sobering him. 

“are you sober?” harry asked, beginning to shuck off his own clothing. 

“ _are you sober_?” mocked draco, his speech still slightly slowed. 

“so not all the way then,” harry rolled his eyes, turning away and carefully folding his discarded clothing. 

“enough! look how sober i am!” he stretched his arms out and walked in a straight line, before spinning gracefully on his tip toes. “jesus christ,” he murmured, still gagging silently. “fuck, who knew i’d have to go through all of this just to get you to fuck me? you couldn’t keep your hands off of me on saturday. bloody hypocrite, that’s what you are. you just like to make my dick and my life hard, you -” 

“oh my god, if we have sex will you stop talking?” harry interrupted draco, throwing his arms up in exasperation. 

“yes,” draco said, his voice small. he looked down at the ground like a scolded child, although he glanced at harry out of the corner of his eye. a small smile spread across his lips. 

“alright, let’s do it then,” harry says, sitting on the bed and folding his arms across his lap patiently. 

draco reached behind him, plucking a bottle of lube from the vanity without looking. “you could try to sound more excited,” he suggested, shimmying happily towards the bed. “i’m pretty much doing you a favor.” 

“right,” harry says, pulling draco onto his lap. he gave him a moment to adjust his position, before reaching up and stroking his face gently, pulling him down into a kiss. draco quickly took charge, pushing his tongue past harry’s lips. he lapped at the inside of harry’s mouth hungrily, pressing his chest flush to harry’s. “woah there, tiger,” harry laughed breathlessly, pushing draco away. 

“dragon,” draco said, pushing harry back onto the bed. “i’m a dragon.” 

“can you breathe fire?” harry asked, suddenly remembering that he too is a little drunk. 

“if you ask politely,” draco snorts, kissing down harry’s chest. all conversation ceases as draco reaches harry’s cock. he swallows it easily, humming aroud the length. the next few minutes were spent in quiet bliss, the only sounds an occasional moan from harry, and the soft suckling of draco. 

“fuck, draco” harry moaned softly as draco lapped at the head of his cock, almost affectionately. he swallowed harry completely once more, running his tongue along the vein on the underside of

harry’s cock. lost in the sensation, harry buried his hands in draco’s hair - whimpering all the while. 

“you know what?” draco said suddenly, pulling off of harry’s cock with a quiet _pop._ “this is very unfair. you just get to lay back and relax, lazy sod.” 

harry groaned loudly as his pleasure retreated, opening his eyes and blinking hazily. “turn around then, you prick.” he commands, sitting up on his elbows. 

draco grins widely, obeying and scuttling off of harry’s lap to shake out of his pants. he jumps back onto the bed, before turning around and straddling harry’s chest. harry reaches for his wand, waving it silently and casting a cleaning charm. as the sting travels across his skin, draco hisses and pinches his thigh lightly.

as he focuses in on draco’s arse, harry finds himself immediately transfixed. he grabbed at the fleshy globes before him, squeezing and kneading them. since the beginning of their relationship, harry had had a bit of a fixation with draco’s arse - he could (and had) spent hours kisssing, touching, and playing with it, much to the chagrin of his boyfriend. 

he spread draco apart, drinking in the sight of his tight, furled hole - small, pink, and perfect. even now, after almost three years of dating, harry still wasn’t sure if or how draco kept himself so pristine - he had never once mentioned a shaving charm, yet his arse remained unblemished and perfect. 

“having fun, are you?” draco asked, pulling away from harry’s cock once more. “it’s not there for you to just stare at.” 

rolling his eyes, harry pulled draco back, towards his mouth, laving his tongue across his hole without warning. he lapped at draco’s hole with the flat of his tongue, drinking in the familiar, musky taste of draco malfoy. draco moaned gently, canting his hips backwards before dropping his head down once more, swallowing harry again. as harry ate draco with abandon, slowly fucking his tongue into draco and opening him up, draco sucked at his cock with the same fervor, humming and moaning around harry’s member. 

“okay,” draco moaned shakily, moving his entire body away from harry. his thighs trembled as he crawled away, and his eyes were glazed over with pleasure. “get inside me now.” despite his very obvious arousal, he still managed to sound bored. 

“now who doesn’t sound enthusiastic,” harry teased. he grabbed the lube bottle, pouring some on his fingers and leaning forward to reach draco’s hole again. he pushed two fingers in easily, scissoring them slowly. draco opened around him easily, his hips bearing down subtly into harry’s fingers. 

“ah, forgive me,” he deadpanned, his eyes swimming with glee. he moved to straddle harry’s lap. “please, harry potter - put that large cock of your in my arse and fuck me until i can’t walk. and then a bit more after that.” he glanced at harry, who looked more annoyed than aroused. he softened his expression and kissed harry’s temple lightly, pulling harry’s hair from the elastic band. “please?” he added. 

“you’re so annoying,” harry groaned, gripping draco’s hip with one hand, and his cock with the other. he lined himself up quickly before moving to hold draco securely, slowly lowering him onto his cock. draco whimpered softly in response, his eyes fluttering shut. once draco was completely seated, he waited a moment, for that inevitable second when pain would turn to pleasure. it was obvious when it happened - draco’s eyes flew open and his mouth fell open slightly, his lip trembling. “okay?” harry asked gently, concerned. 

draco didn’t respond verbally - instead placing gentle, fluttering kisses to harry’s forehead and eyelids. 

they found a rhythm quickly - familiar and fast. draco rocked back and forth on harry’s cock, using his knees to perfect the angle. harry held tight to draco’s hips, fucking upwards to meet draco’s movements. after a while, draco took control - pushing harry backwards to lie flat on the bed. willing to let draco do all of the work, harry folded his arms behind his head, staring up at draco. he was quite a sight to behold, his neck and cheeks flushed a soft pink and his head thrown back in pleasure. 

his moans were sinful, falling from his lips in a song - accented heavily by swears and harry’s name. one of his hands stroked at his cock slowly, a small puddle of pre-come spilling across harry’s hips. 

“okay, i’m tired,” draco moaned after a bit, pausing in his movements and leaning over harry’s body. “time for you to do some work, baby.” draco dismounted, wincing slightly at the sudden lack of pressure. decidedly ungracefully, draco collapsed on the bed beside harry. he rolled onto his side, pushing his arse towards harry and spreading his legs slightly. “c’mon, we haven’t got all night.” 

“technically we do.” harry said, lining himself up once more and pushing into draco. he groaned softly as the familiar warmth eveloped him. “it’s only 10:30.” 

“no, we’re going snorkeling in the morning,” draco moans breathlessly, canting backwards into harry’s cock. “i need my full eight hours of rest.” 

harry rolls his eyes, wrapping his arms around draco and pulling him close to his body. he hugs him tightly, pressing his chin into the space between draco’s collarbone and neck. he presses open mouth kisses to the skin there, sucking lightly and leaving small bruises. at the end of the bed, their legs tangle together familiarily, their toes brushing each others with each thrust. changing the angle, harry reaches down and grabs draco’s thigh with one strong hand and lifts it into the air, driving into draco harden than before. 

“you’re quite good at that,” draco whimpers, his voice shaky and tight with arousal. “let’s do this one more often. we can call it _ the thighmaster _ , like from that commercial on the telly!” 

“jesus christ, draco,” harry laughs, his hips slowing as he loses his concentration. “please shut up.” 

“would you rather i moaned like one of those pornography actors?” draco asks, craning his neck to look at harry. “i can do that.” he begins to moan loudly, arching his back and writhing in harry’s arms. “oh, fuck me harry. yes, i love your big fat saviour cock!” 

harry pulls out for a moment, flipping draco so that his mouth is muffled by the pillow. he pulls his hips into the air with his arm before positioning himself behind him, sliding home quickly. harry spreads his knees as he fucks into draco, feeling his orgasm beginning to build in the pit of his stomach. 

_ finally _ , he thought. the alcohol had made him take nearly twice as long to reach this point. 

“tomorrow,” harry pants, driving his hips into draco with each word. “i’m going to drown you.” 

“if you don’t suffocate me now,” draco mumbles into the pillow, his voice muffled still. he turns his head to the side, taking a gasping breath. “ugh, harry, this is hurting my neck, you brute.” 

harry paused for a moment, allowing draco to adjust his position. 

“better?” he asked, squeezing draco’s hip affectionately. 

“i suppose,” draco mumbled offhandely. “get on with it, then.” 

harry rolled his eyes yet again, resuming his strokes. the sounds of skin against skin filled the air, paired with low groans from harry and louder whimpers from draco. heat radiated from both of their bodies, further clouding their minds. 

“harder, bloody hell,” draco complained, reaching behind him and batting at harry’s chest. harry complied, gripping draco’s hips tighter and driving into him with renewed strength. this position was familiar to them, and reaching draco’s prostate was simple - it didn’t take long until draco was coming undone beneath harry. 

he trembled in harry’s hands, murmuring intelligibly and fucking back onto harry’s cock. 

“are you close, baby?” harry asked, silently adding a ‘ _ because i’m getting tired.’ _

“mmm,” draco whimpered, his back arching like a kneazle. “turn me over, wanna see you.” 

harry pulls out for a moment, flipping draco and pushing a pillow beneath his head. he looked utterly debauched, staring up at harry through wide, lust blown eyes. his hair was mussed beyond repair, and his lips were pink and swollen from where he had bitten them. as harry slid into him, his face contorted and his eye rolled into his skull, his mouth fallig open into a loud, endless moan. 

“you’re so beautiful,” harry murmured, reaching down to push a lock of hair from draco’s face. he leaned into harry’s touch - practically purring at the attention. 

“tell me something i don’t already know,” draco gasped. he wrapped his legs around harry’s waist, pulling him close and keeping him there. his hips stuttered beneath harry’s ministrations, his hole spasming around harry’s cock. his breath was ragged - and it was obvious he was going to come very soon. 

“erm, it’s never snowed in jamaica,” harry grunted, reaching down and grabbing draco’s hand. 

“obviously, you dolt,” draco cried as he came. he squeezed harry’s hand, his eyes squeezing shut as his orgasm spread through his body. he seemed to come for hours, every part of his body trembling as he bathed in the euphoria. harry fucked him through it, slow and steady strokes as he approached his own orgasm. 

when draco began to whine from overstimulation, harry pulled out, kneeling beside draco and immediately wrapping his hand around his own cock. he stroked himself steadily, his eyes trained on the rise and fall of draco’s flushed chest. 

“are you close?” draco murmured, glancing down at harry’s moving hand. 

“mhm,” harry moaned lowly, speeding up his strokes. the lube from draco’s arse and the pre-come from himself covered his cock - it spilled through his fingers and made his strokes even more pleasurable. 

“well, hurry up, would you?” draco murmured, fumbling for harry’s wand and vanishing the mess. normally, he was able to centralize his spells, but the alcohol still in his system made him clumsy. 

“you could help,” harry suggested, sorely regretting the loss of the lubricant. he was close, and stopping now to get lube would cause him to lose his momentum. he nudged draco with his knee, still watching him carefully. draco rolled his eyes in response, turning on his side and stretching across the bed like a cat. he looked up through his eyelashes, somehow feining innocence. 

“no thanks.” draco yawned. “but please make haste. i’m sobering up and i’m cold and would like to be held. and we also have snorkeling in the morning.” 

“shut up about the fucking snorkeling,” harry groaned, his hand frantic as his orgasm approached. “gonna come now,” 

“hmmm,” draco hums, before opening his mouth wide. “up here,” 

harry froze in his movements, watching draco curiously. “i thought -” 

“don’t look a gift draco in the mouth. come on,” he grabbed at harry’s ankle, pulling him forward. harry went eagerly, scrambling up draco’s chest and coming to straddle his shoulders. he pressed the weeping head of his cock to draco’s lips, dragging it along his plump bottom lip for a moment before pushing it inside. 

it doesn’t take long for harry to come - a few mere strokes in the warm, familiar heat of draco’s mouth before he’s exploding, his hips canting wildly as he fucks deeper into his mouth, the head of his cock pressing deep into the cavern of draco’s mouth. draco swallows dutifully, his eyes shining as he looks up at harry, his lips spread wide around harry’s length. 

“don’t say i never do anything nice for you,” he smirks as harry pulls out, collapsing beside him. his voice is slightly raspy from the force of harry’s strokes, and it makes his spent cock twitch between his legs. 

“i think that was more for you than it was for me,” harry whispers, but pulls draco into a kiss anyways. they stay that way for a while, lying beside each other and kissing gentlyl, their hands roaming each others bodies. 

“mm, i’m so cold.” draco murmured, burrowing into harry’s side. the heat that they had generated semed to have completely dissipated - and a chill ran over harry’s body as well. 

harry reached around for his own wand, silently summoning two of the weasley sweaters that draco had strictly forbidden him from bringing with him. he sits up, pulling draco up beside him - he’s still loose and pliant from his orgasm, and he goes easily. harry pulles the sweater over draco’s head first, waiting for him to push his own arms through the sleeves before pulling one onto himself. 

“thank you,” draco whispers, his eyes already fluttering shut. he presses gentle kisses to harry’s neck, jaw and nose, his fingers ghosting over harry’s face. “love you,” 

“you’re such a sap,” harry says softly, pressing a kiss to draco’s forehead regardless. when they lie together, harry pulls draco close to his chest, entertwining their legs. 

“if you tell anyone that i’ll kill you,” draco murmurs sleepily. 

harry laughs. 

  
  
  


  
  


  
  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! 
> 
> let me know what u think ;) 
> 
> sidenote: i completely overestimated myself omg... i've been working on one of my chaptered fics but i fear it'll take longer than i think to finish. so until then I'll be posting mostly short one-shorts. but i'm working on it :,) 
> 
> all kudos, comments, bookmarks, ect are heavily appreciated!


End file.
